I took a risk in reinventing myself and in having hope in the construction of a better future. In believing that more than what I seen in my current situation was possible. I took a risk in letting go of the walls around my heart, for the walls that we use as protection are the same ones that keep the pain trapped within. Most of all, I saved myself with the belief that pain has a purpose. Whether that purpose is to bring wisdom, to soften, to change or simply to cleanse us does not matter. That there is a reason does. The suffering that brings us closer to ourselves is better for our hearts and minds than the good fortunes that lead us astray.
Sometimes this life seems so real and other times it seems too confined to contain all that is in us. My mission is to treasure and value this life whilst at the same time realising that it, and all it contains, is transitory. Nothing will last, but that does not mean we should be completely detached to avoid suffering. We need to integrate and participate without however being dependant.
Perhaps the beauty of life’s moments lies in the fact that they are only moments. I find beauty in our attempt to cling to what is not meant to last and in the fragile essence of the passing moment that will continue to live only in our memories. Its so tragically human, so tragically real. Beauty, in this world, in this moment, and then its gone.
To live is a constant battle. We fight for truth, for answers, for ourselves, for our hearts to be at peace. We are all at war, and that war is our test in this life. Our opportunity to learn and to find ourselves in that growth. It is easy to go astray, to get lost, but there is a light in our hearts. As long as we are alive we have a chance to follow that light. Sometimes the people with the worst pasts create the best futures. Knowing pain and confusion seems to bring a greater appreciation of that chance to create and change.
I did take a risk, but what would have changed if I did not even try? Maybe I won’t make it to accomplish all I want to, but I will be closer than I would have been if I did not move. Perhaps I will always be walking with one foot in this life and the beauty it offers and one detached from it seeking guidance from the stability and permanence of what cannot be seen.
One more time I have a choice and a chance to do better. One more time I believe this will be the time I get it right. Only time will tell what the consequences of these choices will be. For now I walk listening to the steady beat of my heart which guides me through this life one step at a time, one battle at a time, stopping to capture the beauty in the moments that pass.
Perhaps this is the time that life will smile back at me and welcome me home.